About Being Fine

“My head’s underwater, but I’m breathing fine”.
–John Legend

Hello, how are you?
I’m fine.

The first question we ask someone, whether by call, text or in a face-to-face situation. An inquiry and a piece of information that are set today as the most instinctive reflex anyone has. When we say good morning to someone or when we need anything from them, we ask them how they are doing. The cause behind this kind of behaviour is more connected to courtesy than anything else. This would explain how people have mastered the art of saying that they are “fine” .

This answer used to convince me about how the other person was feeling. However, I realize today how superficial and naive I was back then. To believe two simple automatically said words without any second thought.

What I have come to realize is the amount of things someone could have said instead. You always replied with the same answer even when chaos was taking over your heart, drowning it and making it lose every sense of direction.

Crying silently into the end of the deep night, looking into a mirror unable to recognize yourself. Contrary to what you may think, this is not the doing of your own physique; it was coming from not seeing any sign of energy in your smile. The struggle came from working on the state of your brain and correcting the way it was affecting your life. Manipulation was its technique lately, sole mention of all the negatives was its play. When feelings and emotions are involved and piled up one on top of the top, the spiralling effect destroys you from within. Yet all you ever said was “I’m fine”. How could you pretend for so long? And more importantly, why?

At night, your red wet eyes were holding all the weight someone can carry. In the morning, your nose was runny from the night before.
In a silenced room, your ears could detect a constant buzzing. The blizzard of voices inside combined with a hurricane of non-existent sounds.
Shaking and pale hands in mine. Your body was tired, you just couldn’t take it anymore.

Sleep was your enemy and tears were your companions through each and every night. When the spotlight was turned back on, a fake smile would return as well to be your best friend again: the smile who made everyone believe that you were well.

One year ago, you were in a war. Leading this battle alone, in silence and hopelessness while I always thought that you felt surrounded. You really were actually, but your soldiers weren’t in a position to fully understand the bigger picture. They could not help you win this war. It was you against all the tragedies. You won back your territory by relying solely on yourself. Today, stronger, wiser and determined to raise your empire from its ashes.

I don’t want to say Hi anymore, nor do I want to know how you’re doing. Those words are meaningless in my books. I want you to let me in and to let me be a part of your honoured empire currently under reconstruction.

I want to know the simple details of your everyday life. Tell me about your constant thoughts, even the most insignificant ones. What are your goals? What did you dream of last night? No matter how unrealistic your words might sound. Talk to me, because only then will I be able to really know how you are feeling. Truly feeling.

Don’t tell me you’re fine. Just tell me more.