About Building Walls

“People build walls not to keep others out, but to see who’s willing to break them down”
-Socrates

This topic about building walls has been brewing in my mind for a while, and I couldn’t quite put the pieces together in a way that will satisfy everyone’s way of thinking but I’ve done some research and ended up with a conclusion that might please you all.

You might be asking what building walls actually refers to, and it’s simple, relationships in any way that you’d like. It could be anything from friendships to partnerships, from colleagues to classmates and so on.

Let’s say you have been friends with someone for 3 years and then, for some reason, your friend betrays you which turns the entire situation into an argument. At first when the betrayal happened, you would generally start building that wall to keep yourself away from that person. However, as the argument develops, you may start to reconsider: if it leads to something good, you would disassemble the wall brick by brick, but maybe not completely because you are still taking precautions so you wouldn’t get hurt again. The wall would stay the same until trust is gained back, with every wrong move would heighten it.

Now there is a very small percentage of people who are extremely aware of their mental state and at one with their feelings, which helps them bypass the issue and that is great, but for us – the not-so okay in the head people -, we still hold a grudge of some form and keep the wall up as a safe barricade. Just so you know, it’s totally okay to react that way because your mental health is a priority to you.

And just like someone said to me about this subject :

“Forgive, but don’t forget.”
-Anonymous

Going back to Socrates quote, sometimes we realistically do that subconsciously, because we want to see which of the people around us care about our lives and want to know more about what is going on. Those who want to dig deeper and figure out who we really are, and honestly sometimes we are disappointed once we realize that not a lot of people have the patience, the energy or even the will to knock that wall down. Fortunately, it is a very efficient way to eliminate the people we shouldn’t have in our lives and care more about those who really love us and appreciate us as we are.

Personally, I do build walls around me to keep myself safe but I rarely keep them at a high level to the point of complete disconnection; instead, they remain at the height of a quick conversation or a gathering with other people. I recently discovered that distancing myself from toxic people kept my mental health at bay and gave me peace of mind so I could recollect my thoughts and make the right decision about my relationship with that person.

You are now probably waiting for the conclusion to all this, and what I will tell you is, everyone’s perspective about this is different and I can’t give you the answer you need. Some people will keep that wall up no matter what happens because getting hurt from someone close to you is unforgivable . Others will say that “it’s okay. I can get over it and keep in contact but stay at a safe distance” and others will act like “whatever I’m fine. We can work it out and reconnect just like before”. So in the end, it’s up to you and your way of life and your ethics. But remember,

“The only way to have a good friend is to be a good one.”

You may not be a saint in this after all.

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